Reindeer be like…

Santa’s core eight reindeer and rookie sensation Rudolph are late for their annual Christmas run. And the big man is not pleased. SANTA CLAUS: Alright, this is unacceptable! Where in the holy holly are my core eight? DONDER: I’m here, Santa. SC: You’re always here, Donder. Like I’m really gonna make it around the whole […]

A Love Letter to Maryland.

I grew up in Washington, DC. I went to college in Los Angeles, CA. I’ve spent my last 16 years in and around Minneapolis, MN. I like to refer to myself as “tri-coastal.” I’ve experienced Eastern, Pacific, and Central Standard Time, and I gotta say, I like Central the best. I’ve really grown accustomed to […]

Unpopular Opinion: F#%k Pandas.

Yeah, I said it. F*ck pandas. I don’t think they’re cute. Never have. Never will. All bears, in general, are jerks who wreck your campsite, rummage through your trash cans, and break your side mirror off your cars. What exactly makes pandas so cool, exotic, and precious? What, because they’re black and white? So are […]