Map of the continent of Africa. She’s trying to get all her nations in order. There are so many that it’s sometimes very difficult to keep track of them all. Making matters worse, some of her nations keep insisting on changing their names.
AFRICA: Alright, is everyone here? How about you, Rhodesia?
ZIMBABWE: Mom, you know I don’t answer to my former name. I’m Zimbabwe now; I have been for many, many years. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to accept me.
AFRICA: Fine. Swaziland, are you here?
ESWATINI: Nope, nobody by that name here. I go by Eswatini now. Too many idiots kept thinking Swaziland was the name of some kind of amusement park or something.
AFRICA: (sighs audibly) Zaire?
DRC: Zaire is so last century, Mama.
AFRICA: Is that right? What do you call yourself this century?
DRC: You may refer to me as the Democratic Republic of the Congo.
AFRICA: The what of the who now? C’mon with the silliness; there’s already a Congo here.
DRC: Ah, but it’s not “democratic,” now, is it? Besides, most of the Congo River is inside me, why shouldn’t I share the name?
AFRICA: Ugh. Sudan?
SUDAN: Yeah Mom?
AFRICA: Please tell me you’re still Sudan.
SUDAN: Well, most of me is.
SOUTH SUDAN: I’m here too now! Hi, Mother Africa! Nice to meet you!
AFRICA: Y’all are trying to drive me insane, aren’t you?
BURKINA FASO: Things change, Mama. But always remember: we’re doing this so we can represent you better in the world.
AFRICA: Aw, that’s sweet, Thank you, Upper Volta.
BURKINA FASO: Burkina Faso.
AFRICA: Oh, good gravy Marie! So, anybody else want to change their name? Anyone at all?
NIGER: (stares into the middle distance)
AFRICA: …Anyone?
NIGER: (still silent)
AFRICA: Nobody else feels their name might be, I don’t know…awkward, or easy to be mispronounced in an unfortunate way?
NIGER: Why is everyone staring at me?
NIGERIA: I think you know why.
NIGER: What? My name serves a purpose.
AFRICA: What?
NIGER: I help show humans which racists are bad spellers.
